she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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