That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
