I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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