i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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