Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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