i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
