she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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