I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
