she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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