yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
