Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
