My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize