Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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