I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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