Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize