I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
