Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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