like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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