All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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