whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
