she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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