it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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