the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
