i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
