he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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