I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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