the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
