I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Welp...herpes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
