You made me cry and you don't even care
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
