They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
