The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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