apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
