He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
