he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
