Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
