He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize