You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
two words...techno handjob
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
