I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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