Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Randomize