So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
