i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
