I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
