You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
