is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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