I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
