He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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