I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
