I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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