If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
