I wish I could punch you in the face.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
