people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
