Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
