As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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