I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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