a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
