Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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