Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
