would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
