its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
