This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize