Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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