i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
