i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
