Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
