no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
