I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
