I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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