3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize