I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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