I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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