The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
