youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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