I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
